The Unspoken Truth

My last post was on the topic of lies, and think I found the answer to why most people lie: fear. It is easier to lie to get you out of a situation where there could be repercussions.Yesterday I was in a car accident, and the event helped me come to this conclusion.

I was idling at a red light when I saw a woman in my rearview mirror, driving a white Honda Accord, slowly inched closer to me before the eventual impact. When I got out she said that she was sorry, but blamed it on me suddenly braking -- ignoring that faced I was at a complete stop for a least 10 seconds before being struck. The damage was minimal but I still wanted to get the her information just be safe. The accident didn't bother me at all, because at the end of the day no one was hurt. This event helped me process a recent breakup.

A guy (who shall be referred to a HM) and I recently ended our nearly 3 month relationship over something (in hindsight) was pretty silly. I found some profiles on some adult oriented websites of him, and I asked him about it, and that's where everything went downhill. I wasn't mad but I just wanted: to know why did the profile exist?; and wanted the profile deleted. HM told me that he didn't have the password and he didn't recently use the account, which I knew was untrue. All this still didn't bother me because everyone has a past and skeletons were bound to be found in his closet. All I wanted was HM to say something like, "if it bothers you, I will deleted" or something along those lines ... but that never happened. HM tried to be me explanations on my the profile existed and then became really defensive. I reassured HM that things were fine and I just wanted him to be honest with me. I was fine with everything and wanted to move on, but he didn't feel the same way.

The events that followed were rather heated. In my quest for truth, I overstepped some boundaries, which I know look back and regret them. After all was said and done, I was still there willing to work things out and didn't see a breakup on the horizon. I would like to believe that this wouldn't have been an issue if HM would have just admitted to having the profile. We would have talked and got everything out in the open and moved on -- but I guess I was being too optimistic and expecting too much. At the very beginning I let him know that if issue arose that I was going to talk to him about in efforts to work things out. I guess he didn't feel as strongly as I do on the topic of communication.

But now I am wondering, what if I would have said nothing? Could I have stayed in a relationship which the other person is not being honest with me? You would think the answer would be easy, but in this case ... not so much. Yeah, I would be pretending that everything was fine in our relationship but once you start keeping secrets, it's the beginning of the end. HM wasn't cheating (this was confirmed not to be the case), but it could have been perceived that way. If I found the profile, people I know could have found the profile as well. So that bother me more than anything; having someone possible come to me with this information. Eventually HM explained the profile(s) and why he kept it up but it was already too late at that point.

To be completely honest, I was at first angry with HM, but now I am kind of disappointed that things didn't get resolved. After all that was said and done, we could have work this out and try to rebuild. I genuinely believe that HM is a good person. When I became ill this past May he jumped at the chance to take care of me. It wasn't necessary, but the fact that he offered meant a lot considering that we were only dating a month at the time. But, unfortunately, like me, he is stubborn and prideful. We couldn't see eye to eye on his having a profile because we both had opposing views. He initially thought it was okay because he wasn't meeting the people he chatted with and I felt differently. There was a lot of good between us that made me think we could have lasted for a long time. But with the good, there is the bad. If you can't work through the bad times, things can't get better. I wish I would have handled things a bit differently, but what was done is done.

After the all the events of the past two week, I would still be willing to work things out provided that there would have to be a lot more honesty involved. It's hard to break completely free from someone with who you were in a relationship. At least I can remember the good times.

HM, you are a good guy and when I hear this song or see this video, I will always think of you.


Thanks for the memories!

Inside joke: I thought when they fell, they fell hard? In this case, I guess not hard enough.